Happiness is...week 3

I'm joining in with the Happiness is____ link up hosted by Lisa of Crazy Adventures in Parenting.

 Meeting with a specialist to learn he does NOT have craniosynostosis!

 

Caet counting to 29 all by herself.

The 49ers winning the NFC championship.

Being part of the Facebook Photo-in to normalize breastfeeding.

10 months, 1 week & 5 days into our breastfeeding journey.

Dark chocolate, gluten-free, dairy-free black bean brownies with pecans.

What makes you happy?

A bit of this & that

Lately there's been a lot of this

Babywearing & coffee

Toddler-wearing & cleaning

Kindergartener-wearing & football watching

Sleepy babywearing

Cranky babywearing & walking

And quite a bit of 

Chickens taking over my back patio

Egg collecting

And some

Sea scallops sauteed in turmeric, cayenne & coconut oil

Finishing a small quilt for my niece

Crocheted owl hat for my cousin's little girl

Crocheted Monkey hat for the hubby's cousin's little girl

 And a little bit of this

Apple the Pocket Pixie

& not nearly enough of this!

Sleeping somewhere other than on me

Wordless Wednesday

This is my heart.

I am Anonymous

One of the things I like about blogging is the anonymity. I feel safe enough disclosing many things about my self that I wouldn't otherwise share. I'm not good at being vulnerable.

I feel like I am being crushed slowly. 

I wasn't one of those people who had their entire lives planned out but this is not where I imagined I'd be at 24. I didn't think I'd have kids until I was 25. I imagine life so much different & exciting. Yes, I have many regrets. The fact that I didn't go to college right after high school. How I never got to be irresponsible & carefree. How I was too ignorant to research the best way to raise my kids. In high school I thought I'd party, relax & occasionally attend class at a community college. Instead I got pregnant at 18, had a baby at 19, got married 6 weeks later, turned 21, got pregnant again, bought a house & got pregnant for a third time.

Is anyone else where I am? I do not regret my children at all, and I never will, they are the 3 most amazing people ever. I feel like I'm failing them though. I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be anymore. I'm not the out going rebel I was or the well adjusted, politically astute person I thought I'd be. 


Sometimes I wonder if I married too young. Are my husband and I really right for each other? I have developed very strong beliefs that he just doesn't seem to understand or support.


I try to be a good wife & listen to him talk about his interests and I swear I can read his mind 75% of the time but I need the same thing back from him & I don't get it. 
Am I crazy or is this normal?

I guess basically what this random and semi-cohesive post is my recent uncertainties of whether I really matter and am valued. Consider it an "If a tree falls in the woods" type of thing.

Just Biding My Time

Lately, I've been drained. My depression has been sucking every last bit of energy out of me. But you know what? It's okay. This isn't going to last forever and when it's over the sun will be that much brighter. It's not as bad as it use to be a year ago. I have many moments throughout the day that I enjoy. Cuddling my boy, watching Caet jump like a frog, Mina concocting elaborate princess games, making pizza. But I just have no energy or patience for things like dishes, laundry, crafting, moving (physical activity not houses) & bickering. I would be completely content to sit on the sofa all day, in fact I have on a few days. My house looks like a bunch of tornadoes yet through it but my house will be waiting for me to clean up when I'm feeling better. All the energy I have now I'm trying to focus on my kids. Hopefully I'll be ready to craft soon because this poor blog is seriously in need of some project updating. But until I get something done, I'll just share a few pics of the happy moments I've snapped lately.

Mina and her Maran chick named Fluffy Cheeks. 

 

 

 

 

 

We have another chick named Fuzzibunz too, plus our 3 adult birds.

 

 

 

 

Weston & his cousin Easton. I love that they are 4 months apart and will get to grow up together. And that they both have the cutest fluffy butts.

My kidlets