Just a random post of a setimental girl

It;s Thursday, almost Friday, & I am feeling a lot of gratitude for the life I'm living. My children are happy & beautiful. My house is mine. My fabric is plentiful. My support system is great. My only regrets are that Rachel, Lisa, Stef & Gabrielle are so darn far away. You women inspire and elevate me so much. I love you girls HARD! Rock it out! XOXO

Project metamorphosis

Chaos is the exact word I would use to describe my life at the moment.
This is not what I need.
I need a safe haven.
Some where to hide from the ugly parts of life.
Some place I'm not going to feel attacked & prosecuted by virtually everyone I know.
I place where I can be the most honest me possible.
I feel like this blog will be undergoing some big changes in the very near future.
Transforming this will be mirroring the metamorphosis my life is going through at the moment.
It's probably not going to be pretty or comfortable but here's to hoping I emerge a butterfly,
 or a cool looking moth.

Wordless Wednesday- Things I want to do

Source: flickr.com via Kristie on Pinterest

Source: thisismeinspired.blogspot.com via Kristie on Pinterest

Source: bhg.com via Kristie on Pinterest

Source: storiesofahouse.com via Kristie on Pinterest

Things I did in 2011.

Went to Disneyland.
Bought a house.
Got knocked up.
Learned to crochet.
Finally got up the courage to go to the doctor and take happy pills.
Sewed up a storm.
Refinished some furniture.
Figured out what I really like in decor.
Got greener.
Discovered I'm an organized person & channeled my power to tame a lot of the clutter around my house.
Figured out what I want from life & what I'm willing to give-up to obtain the life I want.
Embraced my curls.

What did you do?

Stocking Stuffer Ideas for the 5 & Under Crowd

1. Clif Kidz Twisted Fruit
2. Annie's Organic Bunny Fruit Snacks
3. BATTERIES!
4. Character Band-Aid
5. Glow sticks
6. Little Flashlight
7. Character socks (my girls go nuts for socks)
8. Stickers
9. Toothbrush and/or toothpaste
10. Playskool Wheel Pals
11. Dark chocolate covered raisins
12. Bubble bath
13. Coloring books
14. Soap crayons or bath crayons

Apron Skirt

First and foremost I'd like to say thank you for all the comments and emails I've received lately. They have made a huge difference in this difficult time. I'm working through it and knowing there are people who want me to be happy is a huge inspiration and relief to me. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Today I'm feeling good. The morning started out great. The hubby made breakfast for the girls and let me sleep then we all cuddled in bed and watched My Neighbor Totoro. Fantasic way to start the day. Afterwards, the girls and I got crafty while the hubby fixed the side gate. 

I made an apron skirt for my little cousin a while back and finally had the motivation to make one for Miss Mina, who is currently referred to as Broken Girl. She fell off her bunk bed and broke both bones in her wrist a week ago, in case you were wondering how it happened.

My little cousin's skirt

Refreshed.

Me that is. I'm finally ready to be honest with myself, and you.

I have a problem with depression. I have days where I don't get out of bed, except to change a diaper or get food for the girls. I have days where I feel like crying for NO reason, all day long. Sometimes when I'm in an especially fabulous mood, I write my self sweet little lists of all the reasons I'm the most worthless, useless piece of crap on the planet.

And now I'm done. I'm sick of it. I don't want to be that girl anymore. I don't want to feel alone, even when surrounded by others. I want to be one of those people who is thankful for each day, not looking forward to bedtime as soon as my eyes open.

I feel like screaming.
Maybe it's joy, maybe it's the last of all the hurt and anger in me. I just want to let it out, let it go and move forward. There's nothing in the past for me. Barely even memories.

 I have never been completely honest. Ever. with anyone. Not even myself. And I'm so sorry for that.
No one really knows me. Because I don't really know me. That's sad. I want friends. I want a best friend.
How can I raise my girls to happy, well adjusted people when I'm not? I want more for them than the empty black feeling that has been me for so long. I want the moon and the stars and the sky for them. And with my brain as crazy eff-ed up as it has been, there is no way I can provide those things for them.

This right here is me taking back control of my happily ever after. This is me grabbing this bright hot feeling in my chest and I'm not letting go. Never again. I'm going to LIVE, not just exist.
This is me!
I'll never be perfect but I can be happy.
And I will. No one and nothing will stop me.

Getting in the Groove

Life is full right now. There have been yard sale walks, park walks, sprinkler playtime, MTMs, baking and slow unpacking. Then there are the dozens of projects we've started.

Current project: The Backyard

1. Rip out ugly plant.

This thing was spider and snail central. Hubby also found a salamander who was making his home in the leaves. We relocated him to under the apple tree but he seems to have found new digs for himself.

 

Thanks Honey.

2. Keep these two little "helpers" out of the way.

Hence the creation of the ribbon tree rest area. 

 3. Get stuff done now that "helpers" are busy.

 

4. Move tons of rock while cursing the people who decided to put them here and then proceeded to dump dirt on top of them, remove a dead tree stump (also while cursing) and plant a beautiful blue hydrangea.

 My hubby's thank you gift to me for moving all the rocks. Beautiful.

He promised me two but Osh only had one left. Boo.

5. Make curtains for the girls' room. (Sorry for the worst picture ever)

6. Get inspired to whip up a dress for the baby girl. Do it in 40 minutes, stuff her in it and hop in the car headed to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, where she refuses to let me get a good picture.

7. Realize how much I miss sewing, stumble across this, 

geek out and start making a Jo-Ann's list.

Life is chaotic and I love it.  

Stuff I'm loving.

My Pottery Barn Kids and West Elm catalogs were waiting in the mailbox for me today. Probably because I hadn't checked the mail since Monday. I kind of hate getting them. Because everything is so pretty. And expensive. But I couldn't resist flipping through. And then I went to PotteryBarn.com. 

& here is the stuff I'm in love with.

 I LOVE that little bird cage chandy! Now the $149 price tag is another story.

I bet I can make that fancy shmancy lavender wreath for less than $50. I just need to stop by my aunt's house. She has like 5 giant lavender bushes in front of her house.

New Year

I'm not really one to set New Years resolutions. But seeing everyone else's has kind of made me stop and think about myself. And here's what I figured out.

1. I like little birdies. A lot. Not real ones, well I do, but I'm talking decoration and inspiration for my home.
2. I hate my apartment. It is seriously small like not quite 900 sq. feet.
3. No one takes me seriously, not even me.
4. I doubt myself too much.
5. In the interest of keeping peace I give into stupid ridiculous ideas I know are going to fail.
6. My husband and I make fairly good friends but that's all.
7. I am depressed. (That's probably why I hate sunshine and people.)
8. I don't care about half the stuff I pretend to.
9. I didn't enjoy or remember most of 2010.


So in the interest of actually living and not just going through the motions I'm going to stop censoring myself. I'll try to be polite but I'm not going to fake my life anymore.

And I deserve an Emmy. Because I'm fairly sure no one knew any of this before right now. Well maybe the part about me loving birds and hating my apartment but the rest is new.


SO here they are my resolutions.
1. Make my apartment function better for me so I hate it less.
(This means more projects and less CRAP!)
2.Try to enjoy my kids. I rarely play with them because I have so many chores to do by the time I have time to play I'm tired and want to relax.
3. I'm going craft more.
4. I'm going to try not to hate my husband's face. (Which is just code for not staying mad at him)


So Happy (belated) New Year. And let the fun begin.

I'm going to end with a new project.

My new throw pillow.
Inspired by Suzanne of Just Another Hang Up.

I spent my day in the kitchen and I want to win!

I want to win the Shanty 2 Chic giveaway. It's for a Silhouette SD.


Today was a long day, I made my pies, and more caramel corn. The car seat cover is done. Pics later, I'm too tired right now. I still didn't bag up the clothes but I will get around to it. Tomorrow we head to my Grandma's place for Thanksgiving. I should probably start packing soon.

Inspiration- Day 2

Here's my little list of things I wanted to accomplish today.

fold & put away laundry [check]
tidy my room [check]
Get too small & out of season clothes boxed up [I added to the pile]
finish Gabriela's Christmas present. [I worked on it but ran out of patience]
start the girls' fall dresses
make turkey cupcakes with the girls [check]

Not bad for Day One.

I also made caramel popcorn. Which is almost gone it is so good. Thank you Stef of Girl. Inspired. for sharing the recipe.

I also went for a walk, went shopping, gave myself a pedicure and the girls manicures, swept my kitchen, stayed on top of the dishes, vacuumed and THREW AWAY ALL THE MATCHLESS SOCKS!
Today=success

Tomorrow's list is
need
1. make 2 pumpkin pies
2. separate and bag too small/out of season clothes

like
1. finish Mina's car seat cover
2.organize spice cabinet

want
1. finish Gabriela's gift
2. go to the library

I'm trying to inspire myself.

I suck at chores. And finishing projects. So over the next few days (or weeks) I am going to break down what I need to do, what I'd like to do and what I want to do.

Here's my very first little list. I decided 2 of each category would be a good starting place.

Need to do
1. fold & put away laundry
2. tidy my room

Like to do
1. Get too small & out of season clothes boxed up
2. finish Gabriela's Christmas present.

Want to do
1. start the girls' fall dresses
2. make turkey cupcakes with the girls

So hopefully I can get 4 items done.


Also, these are the delish muffins I made this evening. Sweet potato and cranberry orange.