Wordless Wednesday

This is my heart.

I am Anonymous

One of the things I like about blogging is the anonymity. I feel safe enough disclosing many things about my self that I wouldn't otherwise share. I'm not good at being vulnerable.

I feel like I am being crushed slowly. 

I wasn't one of those people who had their entire lives planned out but this is not where I imagined I'd be at 24. I didn't think I'd have kids until I was 25. I imagine life so much different & exciting. Yes, I have many regrets. The fact that I didn't go to college right after high school. How I never got to be irresponsible & carefree. How I was too ignorant to research the best way to raise my kids. In high school I thought I'd party, relax & occasionally attend class at a community college. Instead I got pregnant at 18, had a baby at 19, got married 6 weeks later, turned 21, got pregnant again, bought a house & got pregnant for a third time.

Is anyone else where I am? I do not regret my children at all, and I never will, they are the 3 most amazing people ever. I feel like I'm failing them though. I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be anymore. I'm not the out going rebel I was or the well adjusted, politically astute person I thought I'd be. 


Sometimes I wonder if I married too young. Are my husband and I really right for each other? I have developed very strong beliefs that he just doesn't seem to understand or support.


I try to be a good wife & listen to him talk about his interests and I swear I can read his mind 75% of the time but I need the same thing back from him & I don't get it. 
Am I crazy or is this normal?

I guess basically what this random and semi-cohesive post is my recent uncertainties of whether I really matter and am valued. Consider it an "If a tree falls in the woods" type of thing.

Just Biding My Time

Lately, I've been drained. My depression has been sucking every last bit of energy out of me. But you know what? It's okay. This isn't going to last forever and when it's over the sun will be that much brighter. It's not as bad as it use to be a year ago. I have many moments throughout the day that I enjoy. Cuddling my boy, watching Caet jump like a frog, Mina concocting elaborate princess games, making pizza. But I just have no energy or patience for things like dishes, laundry, crafting, moving (physical activity not houses) & bickering. I would be completely content to sit on the sofa all day, in fact I have on a few days. My house looks like a bunch of tornadoes yet through it but my house will be waiting for me to clean up when I'm feeling better. All the energy I have now I'm trying to focus on my kids. Hopefully I'll be ready to craft soon because this poor blog is seriously in need of some project updating. But until I get something done, I'll just share a few pics of the happy moments I've snapped lately.

Mina and her Maran chick named Fluffy Cheeks. 

 

 

 

 

 

We have another chick named Fuzzibunz too, plus our 3 adult birds.

 

 

 

 

Weston & his cousin Easton. I love that they are 4 months apart and will get to grow up together. And that they both have the cutest fluffy butts.

My kidlets

Flats Challenge - days 3,4 & 5 & 6/7

Bad blogger! Bad! Yeah, I'm falling behind it my updates. So here's a quick catch-up of the days I missed posting.

Day 3- My favorite way to use flats.
Kite fold. Hands down. I've tried the pad, Jo & origami folds but they just do not work for us.

Day 4- How am I doing?
Great. I've gotten lazy and have started washing when I have 4 (or more) flats to wash. I also added 2 more Thirsties covers to my rotation because I didn't want to go get one off the line the other night. Or this morning. Lazzzzziness. But I honestly don't mind the hand washing. Also I love the trimness of the flats and will keep using them on a regular basis & handwashing them fairly often.

Day 5- What have I learned?
It is so nice to be able to hand the boy off to daddy for diaper changes. But he only does pockets or AIOs. So I have been the exclusive butt wiper lately. Has anyone else's hubby/partner/baby daddy not even tried to learn to use the flats because it "looks too hard?" All in all I think that anyone could do this but many people will just be too lazy. It takes work and we live in a very lazy time. Drive-thrus, ready made food & disposable everything runs rampant now-a-days.

Days 6 & 7- I've got this down now. We've figured out what works for us & I'm still enjoying the challenge. Everyone I talk to probably hates me because I'm even more of a cloth advocate now and want to share my experience with everyone I meet. Our pediatrician thought it was kind of awesome. She is the sweetest woman ever. She said she wishes she had tried cloth on her kids. Anyways I'm getting off track. So I am officially a flat lover. Prefolds are great but I think I'll continue using flats and handwashing them during the days sometimes. But first thing tomorrow morning I'm slapping a Fuzzibunz pocket on my boy and dancing in front of my washing machine when I wash my first diaper load!

Flats Day 2 - My Stash & On-The-Go

I am taking part in the Second Annual Flats and Handwashing Challenge hosted by Dirty Diaper Laundry.  For 7 days I will be using only flat cloth diapers and handwashing them in an effort to prove that cloth diapering can be affordable and accessible to all.  You can learn more about the rules and why this challenge was started by visiting the announcement post.  This year there are over 450 participants from all over the world!  


Today was a big day for us. My 4 year old "graduated" from preschool & Weston had his 2 month well baby check. I was not nervous about going out in flats, just curious how they would do. The answer is, fine. I noticed absolutely no difference from the prefolds we usually use while running errands.

So here's what my Flats stash consists of,
10 Gerber birdseye flats
5 Walmart Mainstays flour sack kitchen towels (purchased today, not yet used.)
1 wash cloth doubler
1 tshirt rag doubler
2 Snappis
2 Thirsties covers size 1
1 Econobum cover
1 woolie
10ish Circo brand baby wash cloths as wipes
1 small homemade wet bag
1 medium homemade wet bag
Washing in Planet Ultra liquid.